Life. Loss. Memory. Smile. Teardrops. Sigh. And then? Then there’s a sensation between your stomach and throat, a feeling that takes a while to be understood. You feel breathless for a moment or more, and then you say the words. They are gone. It still feels unreal, but they are really gone, and then you spend the next few hours coming to terms with it, and the next few weeks, months and years learning to live without them.

Of all the things we are told to be ready for, death is one thing we never really are ready for. Be it our own, or of someone we loved and continue to love. But ever so often, we lose someone, in an instant, and then we stand there waiting for that feeling of uneasiness go by. No matter how long it takes, and no matter how strong you are, all it takes is just one moment of being swept by reality and being unable to control those tears. And a few moments later, you have a new perspective altogether, towards anything and everything.

The need for certainty takes a backseat. Carpe diem becomes your mantra, at least for a few days. You let go of those little things that bother you otherwise, begin to value life, people, relations, much more, and then slowly it fades away, you get back to routine, the same small things getting to you and making you lose your mind, the same discomfort arises from people you wanted to learn to live with, until you hear about someone passing away, and the process repeats.

Why does it have to take a loss for you to realize what you don’t want to lose? What is that you wait for every moment of every day to happen, and don’t have the courage to go for? Why do you let those little things bother you all along if you can, even for a few days, learn not be impacted by them? There is nothing wrong in being impacted, and it isn’t magic that one day you decide and immediately you become indifferent. But you have got to practice it, one little thing at a time.

Life is indeed short, unpredictable, full of surprises, it can sweep us off our feet without giving us a iota of an idea whether we’l fall flat on our face, or are we going to land on our two feet. More often than not, if you give yourself a chance, even if you believe you can’t do it, you’l find yourself walking like a child, finding a grip, and once that happens, just that much, your mind will stop playing tricks and get you to find that balance. Until of course, when enough time has passed, and you have learned to live, and then something again tries to make you fall down. But this time, you will hold on stronger, you will get through, don’t be too harsh on yourself. Get your balance right before the next time, because it will happen again, in one form or another, losing the ground beneath your feet…

And then, it will hit you, again!

Photo by Raquel Moss on Unsplash